Poems by Tanya Ko Hong

Generation One Point Five

Lack  

Lack  

Lack

Bbbb

identity,

citizenship,

language,

Bbbb

an awkward life

two people living in one body.

Bnn

Bbbb

Comfort Woman 

14 August 1991, Seoul, South Korea:

A woman named Hak Soon Kim [Kim Hak-Sun, 1924–1997] came forward to denounce the Japanese for the sexual enslavement of more than 200,000 women during World War II. They were known as “Wianbu” in Korean and “Comfort Women” in English.

Bnn

Nnj

1991, Seoul, South Korea

The voice on TV is comforting,

like having a person beside me

talking all the time

while I eat my burnt rice gruel.

Bbb

Suddenly in Japanese:

But we didn’t—

Those women came to us

for the money.

We never forced—

I dropped

my spoon into my nureun bap.

Bbb

On the screen

a photograph of young girls

seated in an open truck

like the one I rode with Soonja

over the rice-field road years ago.

Bbb

3 a.m.

Waking in a cold sweat

I gulp Jariki

bul kuk

bul kuk

but my throat still burns.

Bhh

I reach for a cigarette

and the white smoke spirals

like Soonja’s wandering soul…

Nhbb

They called me wianbu—

a comfort woman—

but I had a name.

Nnn

1939, Chinju, South Kyangsan Province

We are going to do Senninbari, right?

No, Choingsindae, Women’s Labor Corps.

Same thing, right?

Earn money

become new woman

come back home soon—

Nnn

Holding tiny hands

fingertips

bong soong ah

balsam-flower red

colored by summer’s end

Bbb

Ripening persimmons

bending over the Choga roofs

fade into distance

Nnn

When the truck crosses the last hill

leaving our hometown in the dust

Soonja kicks off her white shoes

Nnn

Nnnn

1941, That Autumn

Autumn night, Japanese

soldiers wielding swords

dragged me away

while I was gathering pine needles

Nnnn

that fell from my basket

filling the air with the scent

of their white blood

Bhbb

When you scream in your dream

there’s no sound

Bbb

On the maru, Grandma’s making Songpyeon,

asking Mom, Is the water boiling?

Will she bring pine needles before

my eyeballs fall out?

Bbbb

I feel pain

there—

Nnnnn

They put a long stick between my legs—

Open up, open, Baka Chosengjing!

they rage, spraying

their sperm

the smell of

burning dog

burning life

Nhjj

panting

grunting on top of me

Nnnn

Under my blood I am dying

Nnnn

Nnnn

1943, Shanghai, China

One night

a soldier asked all the girls

Nnnn

Who can do one hundred men?

Nnnj

I raised my hand

Soonja did not

Nbbb

The soldiers put her in boiling water

alive

and fed us

Nnnn

What is living?

Nnjn

Is Soonja living in me?

Nnj

Bbbb

1946, Chinju, Korea

One year after

liberation

I came home

Nnnn

Short hair

not wearing hanbok

not speaking clearly

Nnbb

Mother hid me

in the back room

At night she took me to the well

and washed me

Scars seared with hot steel

like burnt bark

like roots of old trees

all over my body

Nnjj

Under the crescent glow

she smiled when she washed me

My baby! Your skin is like white jade, dazzling

She bit her lower lip

washing my belly softly

but they had ripped open my womb

with the baby inside

Nnjjj

Mother made white rice and seaweed soup

put my favorite white fish on top

But Mother, I can’t eat flesh

Nnnn

That night in the granary

she hanged herself

left a little bag in my room

my dowry, with a rice ball

Jjjj

Father threw it at me

waved his hand toward the door

Nhn

I left at dusk

30 years

40 years

forever

Bnnn

Mute

mute

mute

Nnnn

bury it with me

Nhnbb

They called me wianbu—

I had a name

Nnn

Bhbb

1991, 3:00 AM

(That night

the thousand blue stars

became white butterflies

through ripped rice paper

and flew into my room

One

One hundred

One thousand butterflies—

Nnnn

Endless white butterflies going through

the web in my mouth

into my unhealed red scars

stitching one by one

butterflies lifting me

heavier than the dead

butterflies opening my bedroom door

heavier than shame)

Nnnn

At

dawn,

I stand.

Nnnn

Footnotes:

1. Baka Chosengjing: a derogatory term translated loosely as “stupid Korean” and conveying contempt for a culture the soldiers despised

2. bong soong ah: a traditional Korean plant dye made from the Garden Balsam flower, used to color fingernails and fingertips

3. Jariki: drinking water placed at bedside

4. maru: traditional Korean floor made of wood

5. nureun bap: scorched rice re-boiled with water

6. Songpyeon: traditional Korean rice cake for Chusuk holiday

Nnnn

Nhjj

The War Still Within

Tonight my tongue cuts galaxy

black bones be fire

a crying cello drifting

if I open my mouth

I will be sent to the Taklimakan

Desert a graveyard

silence of a thousand skulls

Endless black

Nothing can live

My eyes a flame

I never talk about the battleground

My secret burns there

My silence is your mouth

My skull the house of story

My jaw hinges

star-dirt

devastation in a capsule

Cccc

White man said

NnnNo one listens to you

NnnNo one sees

NnnOpen your mouth

Nnjj

I said

NnnGo ahead

NnnCut and burn my tongue

NnnYou can’t set fire to my secrets

NnjMy other tongue

Nnnwill speak

Nnn

NnnI carry my eyes, my bones

Nnnthrough this war

Jjj

Njj

Oxtail Soup

I look at the mung on my left hand

the bruise—dark purple

Nnnn

holding in the pain

silence of sorrow

ashes spread on the ocean

settling in layers

palimpsest of lives

like maple leaves

Nnn

Nnn(How does death feel?)

Bbb

impressions left on the sidewalk after

they’ve blown away

a raven on the roof that said

NjjDisconnect the phone

Nnn

I turn on the gas

to make Oyako Donburi

tears come

while cutting up the onions—

isn’t that the best gift?

Hjj

I crack cold eggs

whip

and pour them over

boiling Napa and chicken broth

close the pot lid

turn off the gas

wait

Hhhh

Nnn(Was I here before? Will I come back again?)

Nnn

pour over bowl of rice

feed child—

Bbbb

Empty unmade bed—

a summer river where

I didn’t want to see his body

Bbbb

Separation

One poet said

after his wife’s funeral

he found a strand of her hair

on the pillow and wept

Bbbb

I made sukiyaki the day my dad died

I had to feed my children

Bbb

Oxtail soup

That’s what Daddy made—

suck out all the dead blood

and boil until broth turns milky—

Bbbb

When I leave

I want to leave beautifully

Bbbb

Bnb

The Way to Cross the Desert

   Do not think about

   the oasis.

Nnn

Bbb

Dear Yeobo

When you say ramen

then I am ramen.

Nnn

When you say tea

I am tea

Bbbb

When you take off your clothes

I take off my clothes.

Bbb

If I could leave my senses

I would be no trouble.

Bbbb

You don’t give food

To the fish you’ve caught.

Nbbb

You no longer need to hold me—

Please drink your tea

Nnnn

Footnote:

Yeobo: a Korean term of endearment meaning “daring” or “honey”

Bbbbn

Bbbb

Waiting

                                                       When I think of you, rain comes

                                                       When I call you, you come in rain

                                                       When I touch you, you disappear

in rain

Nnnn

Bring me raw garlic and a handful

of bitter green wormwood

I will eat them and stay in a cave

21 days, 100 days

that’s how bear became woman

I will do the same

        If I can see you one last time.

Nnn

There is another myth—

When you fold one thousand paper cranes,

your dream comes true.

If I can see you one last time

I will fold thousands—

        ten thousand paper cranes.

Nnb

I want to open your apartment door again

with the key that you sent by mail,

the key still warm from your hand,

hang my clothes in your closet between your clothes—

        I want to feel safe there again.

Bbbb

Waiting for you is nothing—

Without blinking, I watch

the night become silver rain in blue light

Nnnn

I will wait for you like a rock on the water line

wishing you to be a wave and reach me—

If you touch,

I will collapse and be water like you.